January 2023

When to Worry About Your Child's Mental Health

Ariana Hoet
Ariana Hoet, PhD

Article Summary

 

Children act up and sometimes have challenging behaviors. How can you tell if it’s a phase or a warning sign that needs help?

  • What behaviors or emotions indicate a mental health concern
  • Three steps you can take to review concerns you have
  • How to seek help, if needed

When new behaviors, or strong emotions, are concerning, how can you tell if it’s just part of growing up or a warning sign of something that needs attention? This is a common question that many caregivers have. Whether it’s a kid who talks about nothing but gymnastics but then refuses to go to lessons, a new fear that seems to loom large or angry outbursts that seem new, it can feel overwhelming to sort through.

Kids can’t always tell us what’s on their minds, they may not even know! So acting out is often their way of telling us that something is upsetting them. By tracking the behavior, you can figure out if it’s typical developmental ups and downs or something you should be more concerned about.

3 Questions to Consider

You’ll want to note your child’s feelings and how they’re acting. It may be helpful to use a behavior tracker, like we have on our While You Wait materials.

  1. How often does this behavior happen? Tantrums, crying and other concerning behaviors aren’t that unusual if they’re happening once or twice each week. If you’re seeing it most days, you may need to follow up.
  2. Is it lasting for seconds, minutes or hours? It’s easy for kids to get themselves worked up about something, but if they move on and forget about it, that’s fairly common. If they are struggling to calm down, even with help, that may be cause for concern.
  3. How disruptive is their behavior? Everyone has strong feelings sometimes. And that can cause big behaviors. But if reactions are happening that stop activities including school, family time or birthday parties, make sure to take note of that.

After considering these three questions, you may conclude that your child is only showing concerning behaviors occasionally, or that big feelings seem to pass quickly. If your child is doing relatively well in their interactions with friends, family and school, it’s probably common emotional development. You can help them develop emotional awareness and skills with these tools.

If you’ve looked through the three questions above and you’re realizing that there is concerning behavior or strong feelings happening frequently, lasting a long time and/or causing big disruptions, your next step is to seek input.

Check Behavior Across Multiple Settings

Who else knows your child well that you can talk with? This could be a favorite teacher, coach, activity leader or family member. Don’t be surprised if they see different behaviors than you do. Kids often act different ways in different places. Ask things like:

  • Are you seeing this behavior or these feelings?
  • If so, how often do you see that?
  • Is there anything you’ve tried that has helped?

If the concerning behavior is happening in multiple places and is ongoing (lasting for several weeks), this could be a sign that your concerns go beyond typical developmental changes. We recommend considering connecting with a mental health professional at this time. Your child may or may not have a mental health condition but you’re on the path to find out more.