Helping a Child Who’s Lost Someone to Suicide

Losing someone to suicide is a devastating experience; and all ages are impacted by suicide loss, including youth. One in five teens has been exposed to the suicide death of a friend, relative or acquaintance and research suggests this increases the risk of suicide, especially for teens struggling with their own mental health. Suicide is often preventable and support from caring adults can play a powerful role in protecting young people.

Ways to Support

You can help support your child if they’ve lost someone to suicide. You’ll want to talk to them and ask them how they’re feeling. You can also make sure they understand:

• Suicide is no one's fault.

• It is common to struggle with questions like: "What could I have done differently? Why did this happen? Could I have prevented it? Was it my fault?" A big part of healing is learning to move forward with these unanswered questions. Suicide is complex, and many factors play a role. There is rarely a single cause or reason for a young person taking their own life. Constantly re-visiting questions such as why someone ended their life, can extend the mourning process and interfere with healthy grieving. What helps most is not finding all the answers—but having steady support, space to process and guidance in learning how to cope.

• Grieving and healing look different for everyone.

• Grief is a difficult process for anyone to go through. However, grieving a suicide loss comes with unique challenges. Some of the many possible emotions your teen may experience include shock, shame, guilt, abandonment, confusion and anger toward the deceased. A suicide loss survivor needs a safe space to process the loss. You can provide some of that by simply being there and listening without judgment, advice or criticism. Those who are grieving a suicide loss and do not have a strong support system may be more prone to self-harm and other risky behaviors to cope. You too may be grieving and caring for yourself is key.

• Focusing on the good memories and honoring your loved one can help with grieving.

• Help your child remember the cherished experiences and positive memories focusing on hope and forgiveness. Allowing your child to share their story at their own pace could be healing and empowering to themselves and others. Help them honor their loved one’s memory through a ceremony, art or advocacy. This can look like gathering with close friends and sharing their favorite memories, painting something that reminds them of their loved one, volunteering their time to help others or journaling what they wish they could have said. In some families, healing might include praying together, visiting a gravesite regularly, or telling stories about the person. Leaning into cultural traditions can offer comfort, connection and a sense of belonging. This allows for an opportunity to find a new identity and narrative, typically one of resilience and strength, which provides meaning and can also serve as a protective factor.

• Connecting with others who have experienced a suicide loss can help with healing.

• It is important for those experiencing a suicide loss to seek out supportive and understanding individuals. Stigma or excessive judgment can isolate teens and make it harder to process their grief. This is especially relevant for teens, who are heavily influenced by their peers and highly value social acceptance. Encouraging teens to connect with other suicide loss survivors can help them feel less alone. Visit Alliance of Hope to find other suicide loss survivors and support groups.

• Seeking help is often the right choice.

• How caregivers talk about mental health can greatly impact help-seeking behaviors in teens. When adults show that getting help is a positive and strong choice, children are more likely to speak up when they are struggling. You can help your child by sharing where to find help, like calling or texting 988, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. It also helps to know the symptoms and risk factors of mental health problems, listen with care and make a plan to keep your child safe. This might include removing or locking up things that could be dangerous, keeping a closer eye on your child, and writing down what to do and who to call in a crisis.

Grieving after a suicide is not a linear process. It can be long lasting, intense and complicated. It may resurface at unexpected times - birthdays, anniversaries, or moments of change. You may want to seek professional help for you and your child if you feel like you’re stuck, overwhelmed, or unsure how to move forward in the healing process.

If you or your child need help due to having suicidal thoughts, call, text or chat the Suicide and Crisis Prevention Lifeline at 988 or text the Crisis Text Line by texting "START" to 741-741. If there is an immediate safety concern, call 911 or go to the nearest emergency room.