March 2025

Helping Kids Handle Stress

The Kids Mental Health Foundation Icon
Babetta Mathai, PhD

Article Summary

 
  • Children show stress through physical symptoms (like a stomachache), emotional symptoms (like being tired) or through behavioral changes (such as avoiding activities).
  • You can help kids cope with stress through conversations, setting routines, and encouraging breaks or relaxation time.
  • If a child seems stressed most of the time or their coping skills aren’t working, you may contact a professional for additional support.

Everyone can feel stressed at times – even kids!

Stress and anxiety are related but have important differences. It is important to understand what stress is, how stress differs from anxiety, and how to help kids manage stressful situations.

What is Stress?

While anxiety happens when we worry about a possible negative situation in our future, stress usually happens in response to a specific event or situation. We can feel stressed when something overwhelming or challenging happens in our lives.

Typically, we feel stressed because we feel like we have too many things to do and not enough resources to do it (time, energy or skill). For a child, this could look like having a role in the school play while also studying for a test that’s on the play’s opening night. They might be excited about the play but feel like they don’t have time to memorize all the lines, study for their test, and make sure they’re doing great at both things. That’s stress!

Helpful vs. Unhelpful Stress

Stress is a normal response to different events and can be helpful or unhelpful. Excessive and ongoing stress can sometimes be harmful.

Type

Definition

Example(s)

Outcome

Helpful stress

(“eustress”)

A positive type of stress that can motivate people to perform better

Stressful feeling before a big game

Practice harder

Unhelpful stress

(“distress”)

When stress becomes too much to handle

Being involved in many after-school activities and feeling like it is hard to keep up

Not wanting to go to soccer practices; overworking and not sleeping enough

Chronic stress

(repeated or ongoing distress)

When stress continues for a long time and it feels like there is no way to escape it

Getting a new health diagnosis, experiencing bullying throughout the year, experiencing racism or discrimination

Physical or mental health problems; trouble sleeping; lashing out at others

Signs of Stress in Children

Everyone shows stress differently. However, children may show some of these signs:

  • Having belly or head aches
  • Difficulty sleeping
  • Irritability
  • Avoiding activities, school or other situations
  • Difficulty concentrating
  • Fatigue or low energy
  • Lower self-esteem or feeling “not good enough”

Teens may show some of the above signs. They might also display some of the following:

  • Engaging in risky behaviors (e.g., substance use)
  • Worsening academic performance
  • Increased conflict with family or friends
  • Difficulty focusing

How Can I Help Children with Stress?

With the right support, kids can learn to build strength, achieve their goals, and manage their stress. A few ways that you can help kids manage stress include:

  1. Listen and learn: Encourage kids to express how they are feeling. Spend time listening to and learning about what is stressing them out.
  2. Create routines: Creating (and keeping) routines for things like bedtime, mealtimes and quality time can help kids feel more prepared, even when life changes happen. Kids do well when they know what to expect (and let’s be honest, adults do too)!
  3. Teach and model coping skills: Teaching simple coping skills, like deep breathing, can help kids learn to calm down in stressful moments. Practicing these skills even when not feeling stressed can help kids get in the habit of using the skills. Kids also learn habits from people around them, so try and show how you use coping skills to feel better too!
  4. Set boundaries to find balance: It’s great to have extracurricular activities and hobbies, but when we overcommit ourselves and begin feeling overwhelmed or stressed, the things we once enjoyed can start to feel more like a chore. Help kids understand that it is OK to say “no” to certain activities that they are less interested in or do not have the time to commit to. Doing this can help kids understand how to set boundaries and balance their responsibilities and interests.
  5. Develop value-driven goals:Setting goals is one way to help us figure out our boundaries. It is important to set goals around tasks we need to complete, as well as other things that we like or want to do. We can’t only focus on doing “fun” activities when we have responsibilities. Creating goals based on things we value (things we feel are important), can help us learn how and when to prioritize tasks or activities.
  6. Take breaks for fun or relaxation: Encourage kids to take breaks and do something fun or relaxing. When we do something we like, such as drawing or playing outside, it can help us feel better.
  7. Advocate: Kids might need more help to manage stress. Is there a teacher or coach they feel comfortable talking with? Have them start there or model having a conversation with someone so that they see how to get help. You wouldn’t try to carry something that weighs 500 pounds all by yourself - having help to carry an overwhelming load is OK (and much safer than doing it alone)!

When Should I Be Concerned?

If your child seems stressed most of the time (for several weeks) or if their usual coping skills don’t seem to be working to reduce their stress, you may want to talk with their pediatrician, school counselor or mental health professional.