Getting Back into Routines

Routines provide a sense of structure, stability and safety for both children and their caregivers. They help us stay on track and get through our everyday tasks with more ease. And routines are important to children’s mental health.

Sometimes life throws us curveballs that can disrupt routines and make us feel overwhelmed, stressed or unsettled. Children may respond to these changes by being more irritable with small things, being more anxious or avoidant of activities, or by having bigger emotional reactions or behavioral outbursts. We can prepare for known disruptions to help set us up for success.

Examples of situations that can lead to disruptions in routines are:

1. Time off from school – including holidays, winter/spring/summer breaks, snow days
2. Family vacations or trips
3. Switching between homes – such as transitioning between parental homes, spending the weekend with grandparents or being over at a friend’s house for an extended period of time
4. Daylight Saving Time – time changes or travel across time zones

Here are some practical strategies that parents/caregivers can use:

• When disruptions to schedules occur, morning and bedtime routines tend to be the first to be impacted and to increase irritability and stress levels for the entire family. Therefore, using morning and bedtime routines as anchors is a good place to start getting back on track.
  • One way to do this is to move the bedtime/wake-up time in 10- to 15-minute increments each day until you get back on schedule.
  • Additionally, using visual charts is a great way to remind children of their routine steps.

• People are always more successful with building or maintaining good habits when they are working together because they can hold one another accountable and cheer each other on in the process. To this end, it can be helpful to create family goals about getting back on track with routines and identify how family members can support each other in this process. For example, a child may help a parent set the alarm or a caregiver may model how to get items ready for the morning.

• When returning from another home, consider a transition activity.
  • Some children need some alone time before they are ready to talk about what happened at grandma’s house or before they are ready to return to the routine in one parent’s home when coming from the other parent’s home.
  • Some children may benefit from 1-1 time or a child-directed activity (e.g., playing a board game with a parent; throwing a ball around in the yard with the primary caregiver) as a re-introduction to the home.
  • Even when there are differences in routines between parental homes, children respond well to consistency within the same environment. In other words, maintaining stability and consistency with routines in your own home can instill a sense of safety and predictability regardless of what happens in another home. Focus on what is within your control.

• Check in with children about how they are feeling and help them identify the known parts of new experiences. Going on a trip, starting school, or participating in a new activity may bring anxiety because the unknown can be scary. However, most things are not completely unknown to us. Talking to children can help them cope with strong feelings that may be getting in the way of getting back to their usual routines.
  • Talk to your children about what they already know about their new experiences. For example, they may already be familiar with the school building, the other students, the administrative staff, the cafeteria and the playground even if they do not yet know their new teacher.
    • If you are going on a road trip, talk about how your children have been in a car before or have travelled to other places in the past.
  • Remind children that their start and end points of their day are going to remain the same, by completing the same morning and bedtime routines.
  • Validate emotions and encourage brave behaviors. For example, you may say: “It’s ok to be nervous about starting soccer, but I am so proud of you for being brave and going to practice anyway.”

It may take some effort but you can help your child get back into healthy routines, even if there’s been a long or major interruption. If you need help starting new routines, we have help for you.