When You're Worried About Your Child's Development

It’s hard not to compare your child to other children, such as your nephews and nieces, or your child’s peers from daycare. It’s also hard to not worry about your child’s development when you notice that peers seem to reach certain milestones with ease while your child seems to be struggling to meet them.

If you find yourself making these comparisons, it’s important to remember that children are individuals who develop at their own pace. They’re expected to reach milestones during ranges of time, not at exact ages. Some children may walk faster than others, while may start to speak later than others, but they may all be reaching their milestones just as expected!

If you’re concerned about your child’s ability to achieve developmental accomplishments, you can take action by monitoring their progress. If you find any evidence that validates your concerns, talk to your child’s pediatrician.

Monitor Your Child’s Progress

Your child’s pediatrician may share milestones checklists, or you can find them online. You can particularly monitor your child’s progress in four important developmental areas.

1. Communication, which encompasses everything from a baby’s cry to a preschooler telling you about their day
2. Cognition, which includes your child’s thoughts and problem-solving skills, such as looking for a hidden object, figuring out how to activate a toy, or the ability to predict the end of a story
3. Motor skills, which includes crawling, walking, using silverware and coloring with crayons
4. Social/emotional skills, which help children connect with loved ones, recognize their feelings and regulate their emotions

If your child is not meeting certain milestones, keep specific notes about your concerns. Notice the following:

• Regressions? Think back, is this a skill they are slow to develop, or did it develop and then go away?
  • For example: my child used to look at me when I called their name and now they don’t.
• Missing or inconsistent? Notice if a child is missing a skill altogether or if they show you that behavior at times.
  • For example: my child will not name an object when I ask what it is, but I have heard my child naming that object when playing with it alone.

Gather Information

If your observations show that your child isn’t making the expected progress, talk to other adults who interact with your child. Grandparents, babysitters and teachers may see your child perform skills that you don’t see, or they may have the same observations that you do. Take notes, create a list of concerns, making sure you describe exactly what is observed. The more concrete examples, the more informative your notes will be. For example, my child used to say 5 different words, but over the last month or so, I have not heard any of these words or new words. The babysitter told me that she has not heard any words either.

Go to a Trusted Source

It is tempting to do online searches but remember that not all sources that you find online are trustworthy. The best alternative may be to meet with your child’s doctor. Bring your notes and share specifics. Ask what you can do to help and find out if there are resources available to you. Your child may need a diagnostic screening or a referral to a specialist.

Sometimes, teachers are the ones who notice that children miss milestones. If they get in touch, stay calm, listen to their concerns and ask questions. They may recommend evaluations or screenings to help your child.

Moving Forward

If your child is diagnosed with a developmental delay, ADHD, a learning disability, or autism, it won’t change who they are. Your child may meet milestones on a different timeline, but they can still make meaningful progress. This is especially true when you seek out appropriate sources of intervention. Although your child may not be developing certain skills in their natural environment, there are evidence-based interventions designed to help children acquire the skills they are struggling to develop.

Your child has the right to a free, appropriate, public education, even if they need extra support or learn differently. Receiving a diagnosis should help your child receive the education and care that they need to blossom. You can learn more by visiting www.ed.gov. In many states, preschoolers are eligible for programs that help them catch up on skills before starting elementary school.

Remember, you are not alone! Finding a community of other families with similar diagnoses can help bring hope and support. Also, make sure you set aside time to take care of yourself.